John Neely Kennedy (born in 1951) is an American politician and a senator from Louisiana. Like Mark Twain, he is known for his straightforward approach and witty commentary on politics, government, and life.
Kennedy has earned a reputation for his humor, wit, and folksy expressions. This is why people love sharing his quotes with friends, colleagues, and on social media.
If you’re looking for the funniest quotes from Louisiana Senator John Kennedy about all aspects of life, we’ve compiled a huge collection of his witty and honest remarks on a wide variety of topics.
For example, take this quote: “I don’t know why we should give money to countries that hate us. They should be able to hate us for free!” — no one else would put it quite like this when it comes to cutting off foreign aid, which is something that has actually been done by the Trump administration.
John Kennedy On Politics, Government & Washington
We’ve gathered some of the funniest quotes from Senator John Kennedy about politics, government, and the Democratic Party. While these quotes are often rooted in political commentary and influenced by his party’s stance, that’s not why they’re featured here. We’ve collected them purely for fun.
You should also take these quotes as clever one-liners—great for sparking conversation or adding humor to a discussion.
What makes John Kennedy’s witty remarks stand out is how much they resonate with the public. Many of them are not only humorous but also surprisingly insightful.
For example, he once said, “Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.” It hits hard, especially considering how America—once a beacon of strength and prosperity—now struggles under rising debt and questionable leadership.
With that said, I’m confident the following hilarious quotes will give you a good laugh—and maybe even a moment of truth.
I don’t know why we should give money to countries that hate us. They should be able to hate us for free!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Sometimes the majority just means all the fools are on the same side.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
The Democratic position seems to be everything is going to be free. Free education. Free health care. Free housing. Free love. Free kittens, I don’t know.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
The Bill of Rights is not an a la carte menu.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
I trust Russia and China and Iran and North Korea like I trust a Jussie Smollett police report.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Just because you’ve seen ‘My Cousin Vinny’ doesn’t qualify you to be a federal judge.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Some folks in Washington have the IQ of a root vegetable.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
If you support defunding the police, you’ve tested positive for stupid.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when supervised and cornered like a rat.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
This election in GA will be the most important in history, you have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, person of faith, or an unborn baby!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana describes Democrats as the ‘well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.’
Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Chuck Schumer just moos and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
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On Intelligence, Logic & Common Sense
John Kennedy is so naturally hilarious that even someone who knows him well once joked, “I don’t know how he got into Oxford University.” It wasn’t an insult—it was admiration. The idea that someone could be this funny and still that brilliant captures the charm of Senator Kennedy perfectly.
That’s the beauty of his personality—his sharp wit and down-to-earth humor make him not just a respected politician but also a favorite for those who appreciate a good laugh.
Whether you’re a fan of Senator John Kennedy or just stumbled across this post looking for some laugh-out-loud quotes from a well-known figure, you’re in the right place. These are some of the funniest, craziest, and most shareable quotes to lighten the mood or crack up your friends.
Even though Kennedy is a U.S. Senator, many of these one-liners are funnier than what you’d hear from a stand-up comedian—and perfect for everyday situations when you need a smile.
Life is hard, but it’s harder when you’re stupid.
– Sen. John Kennedy
You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
I don’t mean any disrespect, but it must suck to be that dumb.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
If stupidity were a crime, some people would be doing life without parole.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
He’s so woke, he sleeps with one eye open.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
That man is about as sharp as a marble.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
I wouldn’t trust him to run a lemonade stand, much less a country.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
It’s like trying to fix a broken pencil—pointless.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
She’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
You can’t fix stupid, but you can put it in a jar and make it look pretty.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
He’s so lost, he needs a GPS just to get out of his own driveway.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
I’ve seen more logic in a bowl of spaghetti.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
Trying to reason with some folks is like trying to baptize a cat.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
He has a PhD in snark and a master’s in condescension.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
When the Portland mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
Go sell your crazy somewhere else… we are all stocked up here.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
Don’t stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
It’s as dead as four o’clock.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
Dumb enough for twins.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
This is why aliens won’t talk to us.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
What planet did you parachute in from?
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean you should.
– John Kennedy
I’ve seen more sense in a bowl of Jell-O.
– John Kennedy
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On Society, Culture & Behavior
John Kennedy’s wit goes far beyond politics and life—he’s also delivered some unforgettable one-liners about society, culture, and human behavior that are sure to make you laugh.
If you’re looking for clever quotes to share with friends, use in a speech, or simply enjoy as a pick-me-up, this hilarious collection will absolutely make your day.
If you hate cops just because they’re cops, the next time you’re in trouble, call a crackhead.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
I trust Middle Eastern countries like I trust gas station sushi.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
I trust Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi, with the exception being Israel.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
I believe that love is the answer, but you oughta own a handgun just in case.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
Some people are so woke, they’d cancel vanilla ice cream for being too white.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
You can get a goat to climb a tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
Always follow your heart… but take your brains with you.
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
On Personalities, Politicians, & Criticism
I came across three of the funniest quotes by John Kennedy, and I loved them so much that I decided to keep them separate. If you set aside who he was referring to and just think objectively, you’ll realize these witty remarks actually make a lot of sense—and they’re relatable to just about everyone.
Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for. Others are thinking, how did these morons make it through the birth canal.
Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi: ‘She can strut sitting down!’
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
His comment about Cuomo lecturing us: ‘It is like a frog calling you ugly.’
– Senator John Neely Kennedy
If you have any funny quotes by Senator John Kennedy that you’d like us to add to this collection, feel free to share them with us—we’d love to update the list with your favorites!